The altar is open

Bless My Pack

Name your cardboard, choose your level of ceremony (the default is free), and receive a blessing engineered by comedy professionals and reviewed by zero statisticians, because there was nothing for them to review.

What are you about to open?

This blessing is a gift for someone else's rip(the gift that changes nothing — statistically)

Your name or handle (optional, appears on the card)

Blessing tier

Demo BlessingFreeA limited daily taste of the pack gods' indifference.

Random comedic blessing
Shareable page
3 per day

Standard Blessing$1One dollar. One blessing. Zero statistical advantage.

Shareable blessing card
Pack name & timestamp
Public or private

Premium Blessing$5Extra holy. Still not statistically binding.

Fancier card design
EV/odds readout when data exists
Singles-vs-packs note

Deluxe Divine Intervention$10The most dramatic way to not change your pull rates.

Personalized certificate
Premium EV report
Leaderboard placement

Show my blessing on public walls and the leaderboard

Blessings are for fun. Stats are estimates. Pulls are random.

Frequently asked

Will a blessing improve my pulls?

No. Blessings are parody entertainment. Pack odds are set at the factory and remain untouched, spiritually and statistically.

What do I get for my money?

A shareable digital blessing card (fancier at higher tiers), and on Premium/Deluxe an EV/odds readout for your chosen product when data exists. Deterministic digital items — never a chance at anything, which is the one promise we can keep.

Can I bless a pack for free?

Yes. Free is the default, three a day per browser, no card required. The $1 tier adds the shareable card treatment: pack name, timestamp, public or private.